Today I will celebrate what would have been our sixth-year wedding anniversary. This day is bittersweet for me. It doesn’t hurt from the depths of my soul, like last year, but I mis him, still wish I could bring Tim back, so I could wrap my arms super tight around him, give him a long kiss and hear his laugh.
I’m farther along on this new chapter, but my love for Tim will endure until I see him again. I am so excited for that day. And I know he is too. I actually imagine our meeting in heaven to be like this above photo. I might look older, heavier, and with more wrinkles, but this is my vision.
Because our marriage and love was so strong, I’ll be celebrating and honoring Tim today. I loved being his wife, and I know he loved being a husband. We both have parents that are still together and we joked that the only thing that would separate us would be death. And God knows why this marriage was cut short.
To celebrate our wedding day, I’m going to take Ollie for a good beach run and pamper myself. I was organizing things and found a gift certificate our friends/neighbors had gifted to us for a “couples” massage. Tim had helped them with their wedding reception, he did their food and coordinated things, etc.
I decided this is what the universe telling me to do. After I take Ollie for his run and clean him up, I’ll go to the spa and celebrate our “couples” massage by myself, but with him in spirit. And I’ll do other rituals to honor and show my love.
My heart smiles remembering this day and Tim. I thank Tim for asking me to be his wife. I feel so blessed to have had a 8 robust years together. Just wishing I could change the circumstance.
Tim’s life serves as a reminder to us to take big bites out of life, to give it our best effort and embrace the opportunities, to enjoy being in the moment.
And I don’t know if I’ll ever meet anyone so honest. He would say things that everyone was thinking but scared to, but how he said things made the difference. You always knew his intention came from genuine love.
As I celebrate today, I’m also stretching my heart. Because I’m ready and open to find new love. And I know Tim doesn’t like me being alone and I hope he’s guiding things for my next mate.
And instead of being sad and frustrated at this circumstance I can’t change, I’d like to share photos from our wedding day. This day was one of the best ever. I was so calm and relaxed, just so ready and eager to spend the rest of my life with Tim. The beautiful part about weddings is that they bring so many great friends and family together. I’m so happy to have shared this day with so many people we both love.
And that’s the one thing I’ve learned going through this journey. That we all need love. The love from our family, friends and our soul mate is the only thing we really need. And it’s the only thing that carries on after we pass, not physical objects.
Enjoy the photos and memories. Lots of love and hugs to all and especially to my shugar, Tim. xoxo
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