Tag: young widow

MARCH MADNESS

So a funny thing happened yesterday morning.

I woke up late (around 10:30am) after being up most of the night from Oliver being amped up from the strong winds and rain, banging the trees and front screen door against the house.

As I was getting my shower started, noticed that my glass shower door was off track, and it wasn’t sliding properly. It was actually this way for a few days, and for some reason, thought I could manage fixing this.

Soooo, I’m holding the glass door at its side, almost get it on track, and then the door exploded on me. It was raining glass!!! I was paralyzed holding the shower handle in my right hand. I looked down and realized I had jumped backwards.

HOLY CRAP! What just happened here?

I was shaking like 10 times what Oliver was the night before with the wind gusts.

I was so amazed at what I had accomplished, or, didn’t accomplish with my handiness. And trying to figure out what to do first, (shower/ run Oliver/ eat breakfast/ cleanup this crazy mess!) before Tim’s folks were coming in few hours.

I kinda stood in awe for a bit at how much glass was now on my bathroom floor, inside the shower, and who knows where else.

So, I was worried I might be wearing glass, so a shower seemed to be priority. But before that, I realized my hands had tiny nicks and a bigger nick that was bleeding pretty good. So I cleaned that up, and put a few band-aids on my right hand, took a shower in the other bathroom and got ready. Then took Oliver for a quick run and scarfed down a Starbuck’s (yucky) veggie sandwich and then chugged down a coffee.

I was still pretty shaky (and no, it wasn’t the coffee) from this shower door. By the time I got the shopvac setup, Tim’s folks arrived. I was so blessed they were there to help me! I didn’t want them to clean up the mess, just wanted to show them the crazy mess that happened. Felt so compelled to show and share the madness. They were so awesome and they did so much with all the cleanup, just so thankful and blessed for their help. I felt so bad, that this was part of our visit.

Anyways, here’s the photos from my weekend “excitement.”

The bath towel is on the floor, since the handle is on the right.

Mmm… crunchy.

We filled about 4-6 of these hospital buckets.

No real injuries, just scared the living daylights outta me, that’s all.

March 19, 2012
HAPPY FRIDAY

Happy Friday ya’ll! I’m looking forward to a packed and good weekend. Got a bit of freelance to juggle in there, but hoping to maximize the downtime.

I’ve still got other photos and memories I want to share with you, but its Friday, and thought this shot cracks me up.

This was taken up at San Francisco’s Outside Lands Festival back in 2008. It was such a blast. The highlight was seeing Radiohead, Manu Chao, The Black Keys, Beck, and Cold War Kids.

This was an early birthday present gift from Tim that year. He’s not one to go to concerts that are this big or crowded, but he was up for it. I’m glad we went, it was such a fun trip.

And speaking of cold. It was the middle of August, but freezing in San Francisco. This shot was taken in the afternoon, and I’m wearing a beanie, scarf and fleece jacket. I also had gloves that I wore once the sun went down.

In some ways the cooler weather was nice, and the crowds were nice too. I mean, I don’t know how people can do it, going to Coachella or Burning Man. So much heat, people get cranky.

This trip also allowed us to visit Tim’s good friend Toby and his wife Sonja, and their adorable kiddos.

Anyways, have a fabulous and fulfilling weekend!

March 16, 2012
TIM SNOWBOARDING

A week or so after Tim had passed I found this video on my laptop.

I have to tell you the first time I saw this my heart sank, as Tim’s voice yells out in the first seconds of this. It’s awesome to hear but also so heartbreaking. But it’s typical Tim, and I’m so blessed to have this amazing video.

And I’ve watched this enough times to be proud and honored to share this with you.

This is from 3 or 4 years ago, when Big Bear Mountain had a pretty good dumping of snow, and it documents mainly Tim cruising down the mountain. I’m amazed at how Scott was able to film and snowboard at the same time. Its a bit long, but its a great way to see Tim in action on the mountain. And you’ll see Tim’s big smile, completely stoked and having so much fun. And I think that’s why I love this video so much.

His ability to capture the day and genuinely live it up. And his energy was so contagious. Those are some of his best qualities and things I miss. I miss so many more things, but everyone that knew Tim, knows what I mean, and misses these qualities too.

Watching this video also reminds me of the great times Tim and I had snowboarding together. And he was so good at snowboarding that it forced me to get better with it quickly, so that I could cruise with him, instead of falling so much. I love how this video makes you feel like you’re with Tim.

Thank you Scott for documenting and sharing this with me. You and Tim had some great memories together, and I know this one brings a smile to your heart also.

We miss you Tim, but we know you are up in heaven with happiness everywhere. And perfect snowboarding conditions and jumps that would make us all hoot and holler for yah.

With all my heart, love & miss you shugar!! xo

March 12, 2012
TIM + OLIVER

This photo was taken back in 2007. I love how candid the first shot is. And the second shot makes me smile. Oliver looks a bit goofy, and Tim’s got a sassy grin, like he’s about to make a joke of some sort.

March 8, 2012
CHANGING ACCOUNT NAMES

I accomplished a big item on my list today.

I finally switched the account name on our utilities from Tim’s to mine.

I started this task, like I start most of these tricky tasks: I took a deep breath. I was doing pretty good, calling most of them, getting the task completed, until I talked with the last one, my cable provider. Here’s how that call went:

Cable Provider: Hello, how can I help you?

Me: Hi, yes, I’d like to change the name on my account from my husband’s name to mine.
He’s passed away, so I’d like to switch the name to mine.

C: Yes, ok. I’m so sorry.

Me: Ah thank you.

* * * * * She changes the information, verifies the numbers and then * * * * *

C: I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss.

Me: (A bit trembly) Yes, thank you.

C: You sound very young. And I’m just really sorry.

Me: (Long pause and a bit more trembly, and I just want to end this call ASAP!) Yes, thank you.

After the call ended, I immediately had a good deep cry. I prayed to God and asked for his strength. And walked into the other room and gave Oliver a good hug. Then, I walked outside and let the sunshine dry the tears and sadness.

Although, changing your name on the utilities is a task that needed to be done and is the right thing to do, it was another reality and finality that Tim’s not here with me, and that I’m on my own. That I have to take responsibility and ownership for my life and the life and things we shared.

I realize the empowerment of being the “woman” of the house, but its this strange new territory of not choosing this situation. And making the best of being in this situation. That although I’m “removing” his name from the utility bills, IT DOES NOT mean I’m removing him from my heart or my life. That it’s just a stupid account name, and it’s my checks that pay the bills now, not Tim’s.

The “you sound very young” comment. Also hit me deep. Why did she have to go there?

Yes, I am young. (I look like I’m in my twenties, but I’m 34). And was Tim very young, too.

But this is my reality. And all I can do is trust in the universe and be so grateful and blessed that everything is going to be alright.

One of things that I realized after this good cry, was that sometimes life puts us in struggling situations, but we can get through it. To not let the sadness or to let “being a widow” take ownership of me.

Before I signoff, I wanted to share a poem from another TEDX speaker I saw in December, Sekou Andrews. Loved this guy. His energetic and powerful performance and message gave us all a jolt to the conference. He speaks from the heart and enjoys sharing his knowledge of living happy and purposefully. Here is the part from his speech, that gives me strength and hope:

We CAN.

We are ABLE .

We WILL.

We MUST.

That all that matters is that your HEART has the power.

Thank you for reading and enjoy your weekend!

March 2, 2012