Tag Archives | young widow


I love Portland! And so blessed for the handful of times I went up there with Tim. He went to culinary school there. And our friend Jenn, whom he went to culinary school with, always made each visit way more fun.

The food, the waterfalls (outside of the city), the rose garden, Voodoo donuts, the craft beer and all the bikes. It’s a great place to go.

Jenn sent me this amazing video about Portland awhile ago. And I wanted to share. Check it out. Or head up this summer for a good time.


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The past few weeks were overwhelming preparing and planning for Tim’s 1-year anniversary of his passing. How does one honor someone so great?

On May 28th, the actual anniversary of Tim’s arrival to heaven and Memorial Day (ironically), I planned a boat charter out to Tim’s favorite surfing spot to scatter some of his ashes. Close family and friends took a boat from Dana Point down to Trestles in San Clemente. This was his second home. He grew up in Orange County, but this is where you’d find him, this was his sanctuary and his playground.

When Tim was in his tweens, his parents would drop him and his friends off at the beach in the morning, and they’d surf all day, and then hitchhike a ride back home or his parents would return. Such a simpler, safer time. And Tim progressed with his surf and competed. Trestles and this area isn’t for beginners.

It was such a surreal moment to be on the boat, knowing the reason for this cruise. It was an out-of-body feeling. I was present, but I was also jelly. My heart was broken. And this loss is still unexplainable.

But it was such an honor and comfort to put some of him in this special place.

After we did this special ceremony, the boat slowly turned around and proceeded back to Dana Point. And within five minutes, about a dozen dolphins surrounded the boat, swimming and jumping around. There was baby dolphins and clusters of them. All excited and happy.

Tim told me that whenever I saw a dolphin (in whatever form), that it was him thinking of me.

Anyways, the captain of the boat told us that this was very rare. And we all knew Tim and God were high-fiving and thanking us for such a beautiful celebration. As sad as that day and ceremony was, seeing all the dolphins lifted my and all of our spirits and made us all laugh and squeal with delight.

Witnessing this magical moment was amazing for all of us. That even in heaven, Tim is so magical. He always has a way of making us smile and us loving him more.

It was definitely an acknowledgement that Tim was watching this celebration, and didn’t want us to be sad all night. That he wants us to know he’s full of love up above. And always in our hearts.

So I leave you with some of our magic from Tim, some photos of the day and of the dolphins. All photos except the second one below are by my friend Eric. Thank you Eric for capturing this magic!

Boat charter from Dana Point
Boat charter

Celebration at seaCelebration at SeaDolphins in seaDolphins in sea



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Man, what a week. There’s been so many signs telling me to make some changes in my life. And I think it’s caused me to be an emotional wreck. Though, there’s been some good layers that needed “peeling.”

I’m fearful. Confused. Stressed. Why? I guess we always want a guarantee on our decisions. That if we make a mistake things will be quickly fixed. And when the fixes aren’t quick, then we second guess or it’s not how we thought things were going to go. But that’s not life is it?! Life is FULL of complications. Full of change. Change that you don’t want. Full on up and down. But going through these changes and how we build our character and how we learn, that’s what defines ourselves isn’t it.

So, what do I have to lose? That’s what I keep telling myself. A LOT. If I continue to keep things the same. One of my biggest fears already happened. That Tim’s life was taken too young. Sooo… how bad can the rest of my fears of change be?

But what I read and learned this week has been powerful. That I have to let go and just trust in HIM. That if I listen to all these signs that God and the universe have been sprinkling, and give it my full heart, that’s what God is guiding me towards. To let go of those fears that the other bad guys wants— the misconceptions, the fears, the evil— that’s trying to interrupt and sidetrack what God and my heart wants. And it’s all gonna work out. It always does.

Cuz living ain’t living when you’re full of all these fears controlling your life. So here’s to having a fun, fearless weekend! Love and blessings.

The photo above is from my great walk this morning with Oliver, my lil sunshine.


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I’ve been in love with Serena Mitnik Miller‘s work for a long time. Check out her amazing watercolors, prints and photography, inspired by the ocean and coastal habitats. I thought this print looked like Easter eggs and wanted to share. I hope your Easter was full of colorful treats and treasures (and maybe tasty omelets with bacon!).

I took last week off from blogging, while my parents were out here visiting. I had such a fun time, eating out, relaxing in the sun, and having some good heart-to-heart chats. And as a favor, please keep my Dad tucked in your prayers, as he is on the hunt for a new job. This visit, was their first visit out here since Tim has passed. It was a bit surreal at times, that Tim wasn’t physically here to enjoy our outings, but this is the new routine. It’s always a good visit when they come out, and now I’m looking forward to my sister and her boyfriend coming out in May. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Lots of love and blessings on this amazing day!

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Well, today you are 42. I heard that even though you aren’t physically here, that you still age in heaven.

Soooo… Happy Birthday, my big shugar!

I don’t understand why I can’t give you a big, tight birthday hug and smoocherz. Or why we can’t go to our favorite sake/japanese restaurant tonight to celebrate. Or why this year’s birthday song to you isn’t as uplifting to hear. But I will celebrate. Because I still love you. Because I want to celebrate and honor you, especially because you aren’t here.

You were the most awesome son, brother, friend, surfer, chef, neighbor and soul mate one could find.

One month after we met, it was your birthday. And of course you put together a big birthday bash, but unlike anyone I know, you did it with an extra dose of sweetness. You had your buddy’s band play, Buckfast Superbee, and then had a DJ, to get everyone dancing. But the thing you did that showed this day wasn’t about you, was you made everyone bring at least 2 cans of food to donate to the local food bank. And the person who brought the most won a prize! I think it was a wine basket. I’ve never known anyone to do that. You had such a big heart!

Its still a shock that you aren’t here, but life isn’t forever. We all gotta take each day as a gift, no matter the circumstance. Luckily our love is forever, and your delightful spirit and love keeps me going.

I’ve been a jumble of emotions, trying to figure out how to celebrate this day without you here. So I will light a candle, but I’m not going to sing.

And our lovely gals, Fall and Hayley have remembered too, and we’re going to celebrate at your favorite restaurant. Yuka’sexcited and got our reservation set. Table for 3 for TIMMMMAYY!

And all of us (near and far) will celebrate you on this special day! We will try our best to make it awesome and relish in your witty, sweet, and genuine spirit.

Whole lotta love sending up your way! All my love and miss you, shug, xoxoxo Michelle


And now a montage… of some of my favorite photos.


Fun, photobooth shots from Kristi’s 30th birthday. I think these will help boost the mood.

Classic shot. With Tim sporting his favorite band’s shirt.

From his surf trip with Mike, Steve, Tim V. & David.

Costa Rica trip with Finch.

The amazing trek and camping trip to Hamma Hamma in Olympic National Park with Bray & Lisa. One of my favorite memories!

From our trip to Glacier National Park.

He was quite the fisherman, which he gets from his Dad. And I actually caught this one. Yep, I did.

Best friends forever, yep. yep. Tim was so proud and stoked for Mike on this day! Autobiography on artist Wolfgang Bloch, written by Mike and designed by David Carson. This was the opening reception for Wolfgang Bloch’s gallery showing. And at the end of the night, Mike, David & Wolfgang were all signing autographs together. Sweetness, brah. Get the book here.

The gang’s all here. Best friends and the best parents.

Beautiful sunset on Maui’s Haleakala volcano, on our honeymoon.


Thanks everyone for all your love and reading.

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