On My Own Blog

Tag: love

  • AN UNSTOPPABLE SOUL: HAPPY BDAY TIM

    tim-bday-2013

    Today is Tim’s 43rd birthday. Let’s give a huuuuuge shout out and rockin’ high fives to celebrate the strong, fearless, genuine, goofy, energetic, quick-witted, creative and amazing warrior we knew as Tim. No tears, just an abundance of love and gratitude. That’s what he’d want.

    And although we can’t see, talk and hug him — or hear his contagious laugh, we know he’s with us. My heart  feels it deeply. He’s sprinkling a lil bit of extra love and good vibes to all of us today and this week. A day to remember those enriching memories that he dutifully and enthusiastically filled into our hearts. It’s his birthday, but he was such a gift to each of us.

    He reminds us to be unstoppable. To give each day our fullest. That we are each fighting and battling something. But that we’ve got to rise above, cruise above the negativity and let go. We need to be free. See the love. Be the love. And realize the bigger understanding of who we are and how to move forward.

    To carry on where his life stopped. It’s about time. It’s about today. Yeeeeeeeeeeeebra!

     

     

    tim-video (Enhanced) from Michelle Gutmann on Vimeo.

    When time allows, take a moment to watch this video. It’s 20 minutes. Yes a bit long, and well, Tim probably wished it was longer, hah! Anyways, for those that didn’t know Tim, you’ll surely get a sense of his love for adventure and silliness.

    The song that plays halfway through, “Over the Rainbow” by  Israel Kamakawiwo’ole always tears me up. It was the song I requested for our wedding day. It played as our bridesmaids and groomsmen walked down the aisle. It was the song that magically played when we were in a helicopter through all the waterfalls on our honeymoon in Maui (such an awesome wedding gift from Stice!!), and it magically played when I was in Florence, Italy last September. Tim was my dream come true. It hurts that the dream has ended. It was a “wonderful world” – those 8 years with him. But I’m stoked that Tim is “home.”  Lots and lots of love to him today, love you shugar. xoxo

    Photos above by me // Top: Maui on our honeymoon, Middle: Portland, Bottom: Australia, Gold Coast. 

     

     

     

  • WORK IN PROGRESS

    sail-andrew-bannecker

     

    Soo, you may have noticed that I’ve updated the look of this blog. I’ve been going through a transformation personally and felt the blog should as well.

    I’m still on this wave. The wave of life, but I’m feeling good. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t exactly know the plan. But I’m more focused, full of love, trusting in above and loving today. This is not easy. We are a society used to being pulled in so many directions.

    In Chinese Zodiac, we are in the Year of the Snake and it happens to be my animal sign. To find out yours, go to this chinese calendar. The year of snake is filled with slow and methodical progress.

    And I’m going through that transformation, like a snake. I’m ready to shed part of myself, like a snake sheds his skin. I’m still me. But wanting to showcase myself as more than a “young widow.” And the previous design, well, it yelled “young widow.” At the time, when I created the blog. That’s what I wanted. I wanted empathy and a voice for those going for that loss and death.

    I’m evolving and so is this blog. I’m a creative who wants to enrich people’s lives. My ultimate goal is to be a “Creative Humanitarian.” Not sure if that’s a legit title, but it sounds deep and fun to me. And yes, I’ve got quite an endeavor ahead before I earn that title.

    And I think I couldn’t have realized this new direction, had it not been for my circumstance. God smacked me down, and I totally surrendered. Tim had to surrender too. And dang, it wasn’t easy/ isn’t easy to surrender.

    Anyhoots, I’m so excited about the direction and new design for this blog. Please click-through the pages. I’m still tweaking with “resources.”

    Here are some of the new updates. Let me know what you think. And if you have suggestions, comments or requests, please comment below or email me.

     

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    Thank you! xo

     

     

     

     

  • SLOW DOWN + FEEL LOVE

    slow-down-type

    This song (play it below) came to me today, and I’ve been playing AND dancing nonstop! Play this loud and dance around. Trust me, you’ll feel so good.

    I’ve had so many discussions in the past few days about “LOVE”. Not just love in relationships or a soulmate, but what I love, love with life, career, personal things, God, etc.

    That love is bigger than just a word. It’s a verb, a way of life.

    Instead of a life-style, we are in a LOVE-style. A love story. A story that is bigger than we can imagine.

    So, these past few days, I’ve been formulating my business plan and in reality I’ve defined (am still defining) my plan for love and happiness. Or at least, I’ve defined my priorities, and making sure my career, life, love, and etc sync with this.

    Cuz as we know, life doesn’t go as planned. I’m a witness to this. Heartbreaking reality of that!

    But, I’ve forced myself to slow down and focus. And it feels good. Feelin’ that love from the universe. MMM-hmmm!

    And I couldn’t have realized or done this many months ago or a year ago, too much in the widow fog, feeling lost, deep heartbreaking pain. And still demanding answers to the “WHYs.”

    Anyways, I know we go through waves of emotions and thoughts of what the future will be, why certain things happened, etc. But realize that allowing yourself to slow down — to stop and pause — that all the other distractions that tug at our lives, you’ll realize what’s really important.

    To Feel Love. Maybe you’ll call it Self Love. Loving others. Loving what you do. But you are unconditionally and always loved. And you are the beholder/vessel/giver/ mirror of love.

    And as an ending lil nugget… someone wise once told me, to be an influence of change, just smile.

  • 2012 YEAR IN REVIEW

    Julie Goldstein

    This has been a big and profound year for me. The thick, intense “widow fog” has dissolved.

    This year was about becoming more present and moving forward without Tim. You can’t avoid grief. You have to go through it.

    It was full of emotional happy highs and lonely, deep lows. But I realized that I wasn’t completely “on my own.”  That my faith in God is true, and he’s been here with me this whole time. It was also a year filled with healing and transformation.

     

    Here are 4 words that sum up my year:

    01. Connection – Forming friendships with several strong, spiritual, and confident women that really helped me grow “on my own” and believe in myself. Fall, Hayley, Dana, Jill and Sorrel. You ladies have been my rock. I love you so much and I can’t tell you how much your soul sisterhood has meant to me.

    02. Faith – I been more vocal about my beliefs. I’ve been wary of sharing my faith, but I’ve realized that I shouldn’t be fearful to share what it means to me, and the reason why I’m optimistic and curious for what the future holds. I believe in love and God gave me that love. He took my soul mate from my arms. But I don’t blame God. All I can do is have faith that there was a reason he needed Tim up in heaven. And that God is counting on me to recognize his purpose for my life. That I need to take responsibility for living and not dwelling on the sadness. The medium session I had in April was profound – getting messages from both Tim and God gave me clarity on my new journey. I highly recommend seeing a medium to help connect with your loved one.

    03. Slowing down – Grief is very fatiguing. And I think in today’s world, we try to accomplish so many things with high expectations and its usually unfair and unrealistic. First of all, it doesn’t seem like there’s ever the time to grieve. We live in a non-stop, hurry-up, get-it done now, add it to my hotlist, firedrill-kind-of-world that expects microwave results. And how does one fit grief and healing into overloaded schedules? You can’t.

    I didn’t realize how intense grief can be until the evenings and weekends, when things slowed down, and I was alone. With my thoughts. I’d shake and cry so hard, that I finally came to a crossroads. That I needed to take care of myself.

    Quitting my job has allowed me the time to heal my heart, spend time with loved ones, have fun and organically play on my new creative path. Working “on my own” has been rewarding and overwhelming. I’ll share more in my next post.

    04. Rediscovery– Allowing myself to do things I love. That make me happy. Things that I used to enjoy with Tim. Going to new restaurants. Dancing. Going to live music. Traveling. Laughing so hard it hurts. Shopping. Cooking. Helping others. Stepping away from the computer.

    Here’s a look at some of my favorite memories of this year. These photos give me so much hope that 2013 will be even more fulfilling, fun, creative and filled with love. I will never stop missing Tim, but I believe he’s proud of what I’ve accomplished this year.

     

    So, I do have some exciting things planned for 2013. And I will share more with you.

    I also want to thank all of you for following and reading this blog. This has been therapy for me. This is my creative outlet. To share what’s on my mind. What inspires and empowers me. And what gives me hope and delight, as I recreate my life without Tim. My hope is that you will discover that you are worth it. That no matter what your circumstance is, that life really is worth living. That you are awesome. And beautiful. And have great shoes, too! (hah!)

    So I thank you so much for visiting my lil quirky blog. You rock my world.

  • 5 CONSCIOUS CHRISTMAS GIFTS

    This is the time of year when we show the people we love what they truly mean to us.

    Last year’s Christmas was my first without Tim. And I was pretty numb to all the festivities. I had a blast with my family, but I was just ready for Christmas to be over, so that my heartache for Tim wouldn’t be pierced.

    But this year, I’m excited for Christmas and have fully realized the bigger meaning for this time of year, the love I have for my family and friends and that its more important than any object, gift or money. This time is so crazy and busy, we all need to slow down and spend quality time with others.

    Soooo, here’s 5 interesting gifts that are fun, meaningful, conscious and definitely creative:

    1. Foxgram Instagram Photos & Magnets  Here’s a great way to print and share your favorite Instagram memories. Foxgram is a San Diego company and I got my pics in about 2 days. I’m going to create a heart-shaped collage wall with all these photos.

     

     

    2. 31 Bits Jewelry & Bags   I went to the Identity entrepreneur conference in October, and Jessie Simonson, the Director of Sales for 31 Bits gave a heartfelt speech. Beautiful products and mission. They are constantly changing up their designs, so keep them in mind for birthdays, mother’s day, etc.

     

     

    3. Sevenly shirts  Sevenly is a cause and charity shirt company. Every 7 days they create a handcrafted (not computer generated) shirt design for a charity and $7 goes to that charity. You get a one-of-a-kind shirt, and the charity receives much-needed funds AND exposure.

    This company was created by an über talented, heart-centered entrepreneur, Dale Partridge. He’s also the founder of the Identity conference. Follow his twitter account for amazing quotes and daily deep thoughts.

    4. Help Ink printed items  I stumbled on this website somehow. Talented artists that create artwork for posters, mounted prints, notebooks, and stationery. Then, you can choose a cause and Help Ink will make a donation. I’m going to scoop up this Jessica Hische one for myself.

    5. Holiday Cookies  Okay, this gift idea requires baking and cooking. For those that don’t like to do those things, whelp, this one isn’t for you. But check out this site for humorous and tasty recipes. I want to EAT all of these cookies. Anyone want to come over to my place and bake some?!

    How Sweet It is or Two Peas & Their Pod Cookbooks

     

    Merry Christmas and many blessings! xoxo