I accomplished a big item on my list today.
I finally switched the account name on our utilities from Tim’s to mine.
I started this task, like I start most of these tricky tasks: I took a deep breath. I was doing pretty good, calling most of them, getting the task completed, until I talked with the last one, my cable provider. Here’s how that call went:
Cable Provider: Hello, how can I help you?
Me: Hi, yes, I’d like to change the name on my account from my husband’s name to mine.
He’s passed away, so I’d like to switch the name to mine.
C: Yes, ok. I’m so sorry.
Me: Ah thank you.
* * * * * She changes the information, verifies the numbers and then * * * * *
C: I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss.
Me: (A bit trembly) Yes, thank you.
C: You sound very young. And I’m just really sorry.
Me: (Long pause and a bit more trembly, and I just want to end this call ASAP!) Yes, thank you.
After the call ended, I immediately had a good deep cry. I prayed to God and asked for his strength. And walked into the other room and gave Oliver a good hug. Then, I walked outside and let the sunshine dry the tears and sadness.
Although, changing your name on the utilities is a task that needed to be done and is the right thing to do, it was another reality and finality that Tim’s not here with me, and that I’m on my own. That I have to take responsibility and ownership for my life and the life and things we shared.
I realize the empowerment of being the “woman” of the house, but its this strange new territory of not choosing this situation. And making the best of being in this situation. That although I’m “removing” his name from the utility bills, IT DOES NOT mean I’m removing him from my heart or my life. That it’s just a stupid account name, and it’s my checks that pay the bills now, not Tim’s.
The “you sound very young” comment. Also hit me deep. Why did she have to go there?
Yes, I am young. (I look like I’m in my twenties, but I’m 34). And was Tim very young, too.
But this is my reality. And all I can do is trust in the universe and be so grateful and blessed that everything is going to be alright.
One of things that I realized after this good cry, was that sometimes life puts us in struggling situations, but we can get through it. To not let the sadness or to let “being a widow” take ownership of me.
Before I signoff, I wanted to share a poem from another TEDX speaker I saw in December, Sekou Andrews. Loved this guy. His energetic and powerful performance and message gave us all a jolt to the conference. He speaks from the heart and enjoys sharing his knowledge of living happy and purposefully. Here is the part from his speech, that gives me strength and hope:
We are ABLE .
That all that matters is that your HEART has the power.
Thank you for reading and enjoy your weekend!