Tag: TEDx

NATURE + BEAUTY + GRATITUDE

With Spring arriving, thought this was perfect for today. Happy Friday peeps!

This inspirational short by filmmaker Louie Schwartzberg reminds us why each day in our lives is a precious gift, and that experiencing the world through gratitude can open our hearts.

I love that the filmmaker chose to document nature, and it’s because he “slowed down” with his own life that enabled him to really share how amazing nature and life is. And I’ve been acknowledging this slowing down, feeling comfort and peace with the future. My mind is more relaxed, which in turn, allows me to deepen my creative thinking.

TEDx video. Cinematography by Louie Schwartzberg, Music by Gary Malkin, written and narrated by Brother David Steindl-Rast.

March 22, 2013
2012 YEAR IN REVIEW

This has been a big and profound year for me. The thick, intense “widow fog” has dissolved.

This year was about becoming more present and moving forward without Tim. You can’t avoid grief. You have to go through it.

It was full of emotional happy highs and lonely, deep lows. But I realized that I wasn’t completely “on my own.” That my faith in God is true, and he’s been here with me this whole time. It was also a year filled with healing and transformation.

Here are 4 words that sum up my year:

01. Connection – Forming friendships with several strong, spiritual, and confident women that really helped me grow “on my own” and believe in myself. Fall, Hayley, Dana, Jill and Sorrel. You ladies have been my rock. I love you so much and I can’t tell you how much your soul sisterhood has meant to me.

02. Faith – I been more vocal about my beliefs. I’ve been wary of sharing my faith, but I’ve realized that I shouldn’t be fearful to share what it means to me, and the reason why I’m optimistic and curious for what the future holds. I believe in love and God gave me that love. He took my soul mate from my arms. But I don’t blame God. All I can do is have faith that there was a reason he needed Tim up in heaven. And that God is counting on me to recognize his purpose for my life. That I need to take responsibility for living and not dwelling on the sadness. The medium session I had in April was profound – getting messages from both Tim and God gave me clarity on my new journey. I highly recommend seeing a medium to help connect with your loved one.

03. Slowing down – Grief is very fatiguing. And I think in today’s world, we try to accomplish so many things with high expectations and its usually unfair and unrealistic. First of all, it doesn’t seem like there’s ever the time to grieve. We live in a non-stop, hurry-up, get-it done now, add it to my hotlist, firedrill-kind-of-world that expects microwave results. And how does one fit grief and healing into overloaded schedules? You can’t.

I didn’t realize how intense grief can be until the evenings and weekends, when things slowed down, and I was alone. With my thoughts. I’d shake and cry so hard, that I finally came to a crossroads. That I needed to take care of myself.

Quitting my job has allowed me the time to heal my heart, spend time with loved ones, have fun and organically play on my new creative path. Working “on my own” has been rewarding and overwhelming. I’ll share more in my next post.

04. Rediscovery– Allowing myself to do things I love. That make me happy. Things that I used to enjoy with Tim. Going to new restaurants. Dancing. Going to live music. Traveling. Laughing so hard it hurts. Shopping. Cooking. Helping others. Stepping away from the computer.

Here’s a look at some of my favorite memories of this year. These photos give me so much hope that 2013 will be even more fulfilling, fun, creative and filled with love. I will never stop missing Tim, but I believe he’s proud of what I’ve accomplished this year.

So, I do have some exciting things planned for 2013. And I will share more with you.

I also want to thank all of you for following and reading this blog. This has been therapy for me. This is my creative outlet. To share what’s on my mind. What inspires and empowers me. And what gives me hope and delight, as I recreate my life without Tim. My hope is that you will discover that you are worth it. That no matter what your circumstance is, that life really is worth living. That you are awesome. And beautiful. And have great shoes, too! (hah!)

So I thank you so much for visiting my lil quirky blog. You rock my world.

December 31, 2012
TEDx GARDEN DANCE

Here’s a sneak peek of my night with the lovely garden goddesses from a few weeks ago. I helped them cater a TEDx bootcamp speaker event. We had a blast, as you can see here. And met some fabulous peeps. More to follow…

March 7, 2012
CHANGING ACCOUNT NAMES

I accomplished a big item on my list today.

I finally switched the account name on our utilities from Tim’s to mine.

I started this task, like I start most of these tricky tasks: I took a deep breath. I was doing pretty good, calling most of them, getting the task completed, until I talked with the last one, my cable provider. Here’s how that call went:

Cable Provider: Hello, how can I help you?

Me: Hi, yes, I’d like to change the name on my account from my husband’s name to mine.
He’s passed away, so I’d like to switch the name to mine.

C: Yes, ok. I’m so sorry.

Me: Ah thank you.

* * * * * She changes the information, verifies the numbers and then * * * * *

C: I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss.

Me: (A bit trembly) Yes, thank you.

C: You sound very young. And I’m just really sorry.

Me: (Long pause and a bit more trembly, and I just want to end this call ASAP!) Yes, thank you.

After the call ended, I immediately had a good deep cry. I prayed to God and asked for his strength. And walked into the other room and gave Oliver a good hug. Then, I walked outside and let the sunshine dry the tears and sadness.

Although, changing your name on the utilities is a task that needed to be done and is the right thing to do, it was another reality and finality that Tim’s not here with me, and that I’m on my own. That I have to take responsibility and ownership for my life and the life and things we shared.

I realize the empowerment of being the “woman” of the house, but its this strange new territory of not choosing this situation. And making the best of being in this situation. That although I’m “removing” his name from the utility bills, IT DOES NOT mean I’m removing him from my heart or my life. That it’s just a stupid account name, and it’s my checks that pay the bills now, not Tim’s.

The “you sound very young” comment. Also hit me deep. Why did she have to go there?

Yes, I am young. (I look like I’m in my twenties, but I’m 34). And was Tim very young, too.

But this is my reality. And all I can do is trust in the universe and be so grateful and blessed that everything is going to be alright.

One of things that I realized after this good cry, was that sometimes life puts us in struggling situations, but we can get through it. To not let the sadness or to let “being a widow” take ownership of me.

Before I signoff, I wanted to share a poem from another TEDX speaker I saw in December, Sekou Andrews. Loved this guy. His energetic and powerful performance and message gave us all a jolt to the conference. He speaks from the heart and enjoys sharing his knowledge of living happy and purposefully. Here is the part from his speech, that gives me strength and hope:

We CAN.

We are ABLE .

We WILL.

We MUST.

That all that matters is that your HEART has the power.

Thank you for reading and enjoy your weekend!

March 2, 2012