Tag: loss

VISION FOR 2013

For me, 2013 really feels like a new beginning.

So I realize most people talk about resolutions in January. Then February comes and it’s like… what resolutions. Ehhh.

BUT, for me. I’m so amped up for 2013. I’m ready for this year. Ready to make things happen. That sense of sooo many things at once. Part joy. Part fear. So many things I want to do and accomplish.

Last year was an intense and confusing year on my own. Trying to figure out myself and this new journey. Who I was. What I was meant to do. What path or paths I should take. I was depressed. I was overwhelmed. I was ready to slow down and have peace in my heart.

That I was letting my past prevent me from healing and MOVING FORWARD. To take responsibility for doing the creative best in my own life. Here’s two ways I’ve kickstarted my year.

Fun + inspiring exercises to supercharge things for 2013:

1) Create a vision board

> Grab magazines

> Cut out photos and words that represent what you and things you want to happen for 2013

> Resolutions, goals, etc of what you want to manifest this year

> Collage all these things together

> Display this vision board artwork so you will see it everyday.

The above image is my vision board. In December, I sat down to create my vision for 2013. I was so ready for a new start. My goal for this year is this circle of happiness — to balance career, life and love. To find my second soul mate. To work on creative and fulfilling projects. Go to interesting places. Create a community that empowers. When I feel confused or doubt myself, this vision board serves as a good inspiration to stay focused. To not lose faith in myself and to have patience with timing.

2) Next, choose a word

– Something to ignite and represent your vision for this year

– I got this idea via Susannah Conway. See her blog for more insight and ideas

My word is flirt. I chose this for its playful approach. I want to be brave and open-minded this year as I flirt (maybe dance) into different arenas of my life — leading my design business, transforming my home, meeting new people, learning new skills, taking care of my health, and having fun.

So what’s your vision and/ or word for 2013? I’d love to hear from you.

February 11, 2013
2012 YEAR IN REVIEW

This has been a big and profound year for me. The thick, intense “widow fog” has dissolved.

This year was about becoming more present and moving forward without Tim. You can’t avoid grief. You have to go through it.

It was full of emotional happy highs and lonely, deep lows. But I realized that I wasn’t completely “on my own.” That my faith in God is true, and he’s been here with me this whole time. It was also a year filled with healing and transformation.

Here are 4 words that sum up my year:

01. Connection – Forming friendships with several strong, spiritual, and confident women that really helped me grow “on my own” and believe in myself. Fall, Hayley, Dana, Jill and Sorrel. You ladies have been my rock. I love you so much and I can’t tell you how much your soul sisterhood has meant to me.

02. Faith – I been more vocal about my beliefs. I’ve been wary of sharing my faith, but I’ve realized that I shouldn’t be fearful to share what it means to me, and the reason why I’m optimistic and curious for what the future holds. I believe in love and God gave me that love. He took my soul mate from my arms. But I don’t blame God. All I can do is have faith that there was a reason he needed Tim up in heaven. And that God is counting on me to recognize his purpose for my life. That I need to take responsibility for living and not dwelling on the sadness. The medium session I had in April was profound – getting messages from both Tim and God gave me clarity on my new journey. I highly recommend seeing a medium to help connect with your loved one.

03. Slowing down – Grief is very fatiguing. And I think in today’s world, we try to accomplish so many things with high expectations and its usually unfair and unrealistic. First of all, it doesn’t seem like there’s ever the time to grieve. We live in a non-stop, hurry-up, get-it done now, add it to my hotlist, firedrill-kind-of-world that expects microwave results. And how does one fit grief and healing into overloaded schedules? You can’t.

I didn’t realize how intense grief can be until the evenings and weekends, when things slowed down, and I was alone. With my thoughts. I’d shake and cry so hard, that I finally came to a crossroads. That I needed to take care of myself.

Quitting my job has allowed me the time to heal my heart, spend time with loved ones, have fun and organically play on my new creative path. Working “on my own” has been rewarding and overwhelming. I’ll share more in my next post.

04. Rediscovery– Allowing myself to do things I love. That make me happy. Things that I used to enjoy with Tim. Going to new restaurants. Dancing. Going to live music. Traveling. Laughing so hard it hurts. Shopping. Cooking. Helping others. Stepping away from the computer.

Here’s a look at some of my favorite memories of this year. These photos give me so much hope that 2013 will be even more fulfilling, fun, creative and filled with love. I will never stop missing Tim, but I believe he’s proud of what I’ve accomplished this year.

So, I do have some exciting things planned for 2013. And I will share more with you.

I also want to thank all of you for following and reading this blog. This has been therapy for me. This is my creative outlet. To share what’s on my mind. What inspires and empowers me. And what gives me hope and delight, as I recreate my life without Tim. My hope is that you will discover that you are worth it. That no matter what your circumstance is, that life really is worth living. That you are awesome. And beautiful. And have great shoes, too! (hah!)

So I thank you so much for visiting my lil quirky blog. You rock my world.

December 31, 2012
THANKFUL EVEN IN LOSS

This will be my second Thanksgiving without Tim.

And I’m so thankful even in my loss. I feel so lucky, to have shared my life with such a funny, zestful and honest man. His spirit still thrives within me. I catch myself smiling at something he might say now, instead of crying. And I’m so blessed and honored for the time we did have together. He was truly a gift to my life.

I’m also thankful for God. He’s given me peace and love during this confusing, lonely, and emotional year and a half. Because of God, I’m more calm and confident in what the future will bring. That he’s got my back. That every day is a gift from him. That I can’t change this loss, but I can look at what’s good in my life today and the good memories from my past.

I thank him especially too for creating the oceans, trees, waterfalls, animals, mountains, my favorite turkish latté and butterscotch pudding from my fave local restaurants (hah!) and all the amazing people in my life.

I’m so excited for the opportunities to come, the good times to be had and my next soul mate that will come into my life. That I need to be patient with this journey, too.

And I’m so thankful for my friends and family. You have brought joy, energy, genuine advice, and good memories. It’s no mistake that the friends that have come into my life this past year were for a reason.

And I’m also thankful for my dog Oliver. His wiggly butt and hopping around always cracks me up. His energy is contagious!

My suggestion for those of you going through a loss or tough time, is to calm your heart– to pray, meditate, journal or rest. Don’t over think what you can’t control or change. To remember the precious memories, how you can learn from them, grow from them, and that they’ll always be treasured in your heart. To share this day with good people, eat well, and a good ‘ol dance party always helps too!

And for those that need some music to put them in a good mood, this song is perfect!

Lots of love, hugs and blessings to you during this Thanksgiving holiday.

Wonderful artwork by Gina & Matt Triplett. They are one of my favorite illustrators, their work is organic and textural. Enjoy.

November 21, 2012