Tag: forum

TIM SNOWBOARDING

A week or so after Tim had passed I found this video on my laptop.

I have to tell you the first time I saw this my heart sank, as Tim’s voice yells out in the first seconds of this. It’s awesome to hear but also so heartbreaking. But it’s typical Tim, and I’m so blessed to have this amazing video.

And I’ve watched this enough times to be proud and honored to share this with you.

This is from 3 or 4 years ago, when Big Bear Mountain had a pretty good dumping of snow, and it documents mainly Tim cruising down the mountain. I’m amazed at how Scott was able to film and snowboard at the same time. Its a bit long, but its a great way to see Tim in action on the mountain. And you’ll see Tim’s big smile, completely stoked and having so much fun. And I think that’s why I love this video so much.

His ability to capture the day and genuinely live it up. And his energy was so contagious. Those are some of his best qualities and things I miss. I miss so many more things, but everyone that knew Tim, knows what I mean, and misses these qualities too.

Watching this video also reminds me of the great times Tim and I had snowboarding together. And he was so good at snowboarding that it forced me to get better with it quickly, so that I could cruise with him, instead of falling so much. I love how this video makes you feel like you’re with Tim.

Thank you Scott for documenting and sharing this with me. You and Tim had some great memories together, and I know this one brings a smile to your heart also.

We miss you Tim, but we know you are up in heaven with happiness everywhere. And perfect snowboarding conditions and jumps that would make us all hoot and holler for yah.

With all my heart, love & miss you shugar!! xo

March 12, 2012
CHANGING ACCOUNT NAMES

I accomplished a big item on my list today.

I finally switched the account name on our utilities from Tim’s to mine.

I started this task, like I start most of these tricky tasks: I took a deep breath. I was doing pretty good, calling most of them, getting the task completed, until I talked with the last one, my cable provider. Here’s how that call went:

Cable Provider: Hello, how can I help you?

Me: Hi, yes, I’d like to change the name on my account from my husband’s name to mine.
He’s passed away, so I’d like to switch the name to mine.

C: Yes, ok. I’m so sorry.

Me: Ah thank you.

* * * * * She changes the information, verifies the numbers and then * * * * *

C: I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss.

Me: (A bit trembly) Yes, thank you.

C: You sound very young. And I’m just really sorry.

Me: (Long pause and a bit more trembly, and I just want to end this call ASAP!) Yes, thank you.

After the call ended, I immediately had a good deep cry. I prayed to God and asked for his strength. And walked into the other room and gave Oliver a good hug. Then, I walked outside and let the sunshine dry the tears and sadness.

Although, changing your name on the utilities is a task that needed to be done and is the right thing to do, it was another reality and finality that Tim’s not here with me, and that I’m on my own. That I have to take responsibility and ownership for my life and the life and things we shared.

I realize the empowerment of being the “woman” of the house, but its this strange new territory of not choosing this situation. And making the best of being in this situation. That although I’m “removing” his name from the utility bills, IT DOES NOT mean I’m removing him from my heart or my life. That it’s just a stupid account name, and it’s my checks that pay the bills now, not Tim’s.

The “you sound very young” comment. Also hit me deep. Why did she have to go there?

Yes, I am young. (I look like I’m in my twenties, but I’m 34). And was Tim very young, too.

But this is my reality. And all I can do is trust in the universe and be so grateful and blessed that everything is going to be alright.

One of things that I realized after this good cry, was that sometimes life puts us in struggling situations, but we can get through it. To not let the sadness or to let “being a widow” take ownership of me.

Before I signoff, I wanted to share a poem from another TEDX speaker I saw in December, Sekou Andrews. Loved this guy. His energetic and powerful performance and message gave us all a jolt to the conference. He speaks from the heart and enjoys sharing his knowledge of living happy and purposefully. Here is the part from his speech, that gives me strength and hope:

We CAN.

We are ABLE .

We WILL.

We MUST.

That all that matters is that your HEART has the power.

Thank you for reading and enjoy your weekend!

March 2, 2012
LET’S DO THIS THING

This is an eclectic forum for me to share my favorite memories of Tim, heal my heart, and create fun things. This
blog is dedicated to Tim and keeping his legacy alive. He filled my life with so much love, laughter and tons of
adventure. We were together 8 years, and married for 4.5 years.

He was my whole heart. My whole life. But his love and zest for life definitely thrives within me. I am so lucky
and blessed for this. I can’t put into words how much I miss him, but I realize he is on “his own” adventure and
no longer suffering.

As I move forward, this is my journey for creating a new life for myself. I’m not “letting go,” just forging ahead.
That life is truly a gift, and to give it my fullest. To have fun. Really enjoy each day. And that my family and
friends, not objects or things, have and always will be my true happiness.

I hope this blog will inspire and empower you as well. Thank you for reading and sharing. God bless. ♥

The above photo was taken last year during Tim’s birthday weekend. He wanted to get out of town and escape.
Tim loved trees. After we settled into our hotel room, we both landed on the bed and just gazed at this view. We
were deep in thought. I don’t know what he was thinking. I prayed for comfort and peace. That Tim would be
free from health emergencies and avoid any health drama for this long weekend. Didn’t seem like a crazy wish,
but considering Tim’s recent history, that prayer was huge. It was a great weekend. A bit of casino slot
machines. Ordering room service. A nice view of trees. Spending quality time with my mate. And free from any
hospital equipment. I’m so blessed for that memory. This was our last real vacation together. I wonder if TIm’s
entrance to heaven looked like this. I hope it was like this or way better!

December 21, 2011