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CHANGING ACCOUNT NAMES

I accomplished a big item on my list today.

I finally switched the account name on our utilities from Tim’s to mine.

I started this task, like I start most of these tricky tasks: I took a deep breath. I was doing pretty good, calling most of them, getting the task completed, until I talked with the last one, my cable provider. Here’s how that call went:

Cable Provider: Hello, how can I help you?

Me: Hi, yes, I’d like to change the name on my account from my husband’s name to mine.
He’s passed away, so I’d like to switch the name to mine.

C: Yes, ok. I’m so sorry.

Me: Ah thank you.

* * * * * She changes the information, verifies the numbers and then * * * * *

C: I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss.

Me: (A bit trembly) Yes, thank you.

C: You sound very young. And I’m just really sorry.

Me: (Long pause and a bit more trembly, and I just want to end this call ASAP!) Yes, thank you.

After the call ended, I immediately had a good deep cry. I prayed to God and asked for his strength. And walked into the other room and gave Oliver a good hug. Then, I walked outside and let the sunshine dry the tears and sadness.

Although, changing your name on the utilities is a task that needed to be done and is the right thing to do, it was another reality and finality that Tim’s not here with me, and that I’m on my own. That I have to take responsibility and ownership for my life and the life and things we shared.

I realize the empowerment of being the “woman” of the house, but its this strange new territory of not choosing this situation. And making the best of being in this situation. That although I’m “removing” his name from the utility bills, IT DOES NOT mean I’m removing him from my heart or my life. That it’s just a stupid account name, and it’s my checks that pay the bills now, not Tim’s.

The “you sound very young” comment. Also hit me deep. Why did she have to go there?

Yes, I am young. (I look like I’m in my twenties, but I’m 34). And was Tim very young, too.

But this is my reality. And all I can do is trust in the universe and be so grateful and blessed that everything is going to be alright.

One of things that I realized after this good cry, was that sometimes life puts us in struggling situations, but we can get through it. To not let the sadness or to let “being a widow” take ownership of me.

Before I signoff, I wanted to share a poem from another TEDX speaker I saw in December, Sekou Andrews. Loved this guy. His energetic and powerful performance and message gave us all a jolt to the conference. He speaks from the heart and enjoys sharing his knowledge of living happy and purposefully. Here is the part from his speech, that gives me strength and hope:

We CAN.

We are ABLE .

We WILL.

We MUST.

That all that matters is that your HEART has the power.

Thank you for reading and enjoy your weekend!

March 2, 2012
BUSY LIL BEE

I’ve been busy as a bee doing an assortment of different things.

I helped my friends cater a TEDx bootcamp event, went to a movie all by myself (this was a goal of mine), and attended a “real marriage” conference (I’ll share why I went and what I learned).

I’m also in the process of scanning photos of my favorite Tim adventures and having fun with a new freelance project for a fashionista I met from ALT.

I’ve been wondering where the time has gone, but feeling so blessed for all this variety and discovery.

March is also Tim’s birthday month, so lots of great memories to be shared soon.

Also, I stumbled upon this fantastic designer/illustrator, Matthew Kavan Brooks. Love his stuff. Great quotes. And completely engaging typography and design. You can also see and buy more of his work here.

This one caught my eye immediately. As a widow, (or perhaps someone going through a loss, or maybe there’s some sort of rock in life’s path) the saying “just taking things day by day” is so true. Sometime’s life can be so challenging, sometime’s taking it minute by minute is the best one can have hope for. However, I think allowing ourselves to relish and enjoy that minute, that day, or that moment for all that’s possible, we can really enjoy and honor that hope and strength. We can’t stop time, but we can enjoy life slowly, minute by minute, if that’s what it takes. Until we get so busy living we forget how fast the time really flies.

March 1, 2012
DOUBLE THE LOVE DRIVE FOR GSP’s

So, I meant to post about this sooner, but today is the last day to donate to one of my (and Tim’s) favorite causes- the California German Shorthair Pointer Rescue.

You see, the GSP Rescue was a big deal to Tim. He volunteered there—helping with all sorts of needs, like building a fence for Jan, cleaning up the lawn, mowing, and endless chores that needed to be done. Tim had a huge heart, and a soft spot for those pointers. And the people at the rescue are amazing. Jan has been running this rescue from her own residence, and giving dogs that would have been killed a second chance. In addition, to rescuing the dogs, the provide medical care, rehabilitation, and foster care. And Jan’s main volunteer, Greg has the biggest heart! His photo skills have also helped.

Anyhoo… today’s the last day to donate to their Double the Love Drive. Any amount will be doubled by an anonymous donor. So your $25 now becomes their $50 benefit. This money will go towards rescuing the dogs, all the big medical fees, surgery procedures, dog food, and misc things.

Here’s some photos with our sugar, Oliver, our GSP we rescued from this center. And take a few minutes to donate to Oliver’s peeps!

photo by Greg Williams. Love this action shot of Oliver. You didn’t know that Oliver is part kangaroo.

Photo by Greg Williams. My favorite sugars.

Photo by Greg Williams. Tim and another volunteer building a fence on the property. Sweet safari hat, Tim.

From Surf Dog, 2007.

These above shots are from my iPhone, so sorry about the bad quality. But had to share my sugar taking good care of me. Before Tim passed he wasn’t allowed on the couch. So, yes, I’ve spoiled my pup a bit more.

February 29, 2012
SHARE + INSPIRE + EMPOWER

Three (3) things that I just found out about that are really inspiring and fueling me right now.

1) Foam Magazine. Has anyone seen this magazine before? Ohh-eem-geee!

I realize I’m been under rock for a bit, so if you’ve already been a fan of this, then, well, I’m just now joining the campfire.

I’m completely in love with it! I found this mag at the bookstore on Saturday. It’s a magazine dedicated to the beach/surf culture and its positive influences on fashion, art, music and action sports. And it does it without seeming too girly girl, or to surfy surf, if you know what I mean. I’m not a surfer, but I’m surrounded and inspired by the beach/surf culture. And if you’re not a surfer either, you won’t feel intimidated or turned off by this mag.

Anyhoots, the designers for this pub don’t skimp on details. From the velvety-touch cover paperstock, to the tasty marriages of type and photography in the editorials, to the inspiring articles of people, and the eclectic groupings of must-know musicians— this lil mag is a winner in my book!

Take a look-see for yourself here. Can’t wait for the next issue to come out.

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2) Element Eden + Live Learn Grow Collection inspired by Amy Purdy.

Element Eden is the feminine and flirty version of Element, focusing on environmentally-conscious clothing for the surfer/skater-inspired lifestyle. They also launched an “advocate” program, a group of real women doing interesting things that capture the definition of the Element Eden gal. A woman who inspires others to “Live, Learn, Grow”, which they define as:

1) Someone who’s passionate about life

2) Inspired by art + creation

3) She’s conscious about social + environmental awareness

4) She’s empowered despite obstacles in front of her

5) She’s beautiful on the inside and out

6) She follows her dreams + speaks from her heart

7) She’s fearless

Check out this video below and click here to learn more about Element Eden.

I really love what they are doing and wish more female clothing companies would follow their mantra, instead of inspiring women to be sex objects.

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3) Amy Purdy.

All I can say, is this girl rocks. And she’ll inspire and empower you too. And you can see why Element Eden was so inspired by her. She didn’t let her circumstance get in the way of her living her fullest, most adventureous, and most fulfilling life. Instead of me gushing by how great and inspiring she is… I’d rather you listen from her. Below is a TedX talk she gave last year and I warn you, you may need a tissue.

The power of imagination. Believe in the possibilities.

I believe that God wants our life to be meaningful, beautiful and extraordinary. And God is inviting all of us to write a better story. You see, we are all in some kind of circumstance or situation that puts us in a pickle. So we complain and feel all bummed and seeing other people with nicer things, better paying jobs, bigger this or that, or we just feel that life doesn’t seem fair. But our story isn’t completely “our” story. I believe that our story is what God has in his plan and vision. That Jesus becomes the author. Hmm… yes, I’m sure I got some peeps out there that are now wondering why they are reading this blog… Well, He thrives within you and wants you to make your story epic.

“Our response to this drama or circumstance is a direct response to what you want to focus on. And your response is a direct reflection of that information (not necessarily the truth). Using worship as a response to truth is a weapon in your life ” – Miles Mcpherson.

You just have to let God know that you need his help. That you can’t do this on your own. That when you open your heart to his guidance and plan, that he’ll guide you. You see, we aren’t in control of our lives. Yes, we all have routines, and like to be masters of control freakin’, but things are gonna happen again and again, without our control. Loved ones will die. Loved ones will lose their job. Loved ones will get cancer. And we aren’t in control. But its how we respond that situation, circumstance or rock in our path that makes all the difference. Do you inspire hope? Do you inspire love? How will you write your story?

Peace, love & blessings! And thank you for reading.

February 23, 2012
SO MUCH MAGNIFICENCE NEAR THE OCEAN

I wanted to thank all of you that made last week less difficult. From all the flowers, lil gifts, cards, texts and emails they all meant so much. You all were my angels and I felt your love. You got me through this lil bump.

I wanted to share the musician that really moved my soul on Valentine’s. I went to a yoga class with my girl Fall and Steve Gold performed during the entire session. His music is sweet and relaxing. And he moved me so much, I had a pretty hard cry.

His song, “So much magnificence” really reminded me of Tim. The lyrics to the song are very simple, but its a 7 minute song. Here’s the lyrics:

There is so much magnificence
near the ocean
Waves are coming in
Waves are coming in
Halleluja

Have a listen to it here (its song #3) Steve Gold | So Much Magnificence

I actually got so choked up while Steve was playing this song during the closing meditation of the class, that I was trying not to be too loud, so that I wouldn’t ruin everyone’s peaceful quiet time!

And for those of you that know Tim, the ocean was Tim’s playground. Hearing those lyrics, especially on Valentine’s, was bittersweet. I pictured Tim during this song, at the water’s edge wearing his wetsuit, as if he was coming out of the water after a good surf session. And I did feel some sort of presence from Tim. So much so, that it felt like he squeezed my right hand to let me know its okay. It was a good deep cry, and I’m glad that my emotions were able to release those tears.

Tim always had a blast in the ocean. Even if the waves weren’t “epic” he always managed to have a good time. Always making the best of the surf conditions, always feeling stoked and refreshed afterwards. I always loved to see Tim and his best friend Mike surf together too.

So, I’d like to share some of my favorite shots of Tim surfing. There’s so many, but here’s a few of my favorites. And as Tim and Mike would say… Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeebrahhhh!

photo by Eric Watanabe

photos by Greg Williams taken at Tippers.

From our honeymoon in Maui.

I love you with my whole heart Tim!

To listen to Steve Gold’s newest CD, have a listen here: Steve Gold | Let Your Heart Be Known.

February 21, 2012