On My Own Blog

Author: Michelle

  • 2012 YEAR IN REVIEW

    Julie Goldstein

    This has been a big and profound year for me. The thick, intense “widow fog” has dissolved.

    This year was about becoming more present and moving forward without Tim. You can’t avoid grief. You have to go through it.

    It was full of emotional happy highs and lonely, deep lows. But I realized that I wasn’t completely “on my own.”  That my faith in God is true, and he’s been here with me this whole time. It was also a year filled with healing and transformation.

     

    Here are 4 words that sum up my year:

    01. Connection – Forming friendships with several strong, spiritual, and confident women that really helped me grow “on my own” and believe in myself. Fall, Hayley, Dana, Jill and Sorrel. You ladies have been my rock. I love you so much and I can’t tell you how much your soul sisterhood has meant to me.

    02. Faith – I been more vocal about my beliefs. I’ve been wary of sharing my faith, but I’ve realized that I shouldn’t be fearful to share what it means to me, and the reason why I’m optimistic and curious for what the future holds. I believe in love and God gave me that love. He took my soul mate from my arms. But I don’t blame God. All I can do is have faith that there was a reason he needed Tim up in heaven. And that God is counting on me to recognize his purpose for my life. That I need to take responsibility for living and not dwelling on the sadness. The medium session I had in April was profound – getting messages from both Tim and God gave me clarity on my new journey. I highly recommend seeing a medium to help connect with your loved one.

    03. Slowing down – Grief is very fatiguing. And I think in today’s world, we try to accomplish so many things with high expectations and its usually unfair and unrealistic. First of all, it doesn’t seem like there’s ever the time to grieve. We live in a non-stop, hurry-up, get-it done now, add it to my hotlist, firedrill-kind-of-world that expects microwave results. And how does one fit grief and healing into overloaded schedules? You can’t.

    I didn’t realize how intense grief can be until the evenings and weekends, when things slowed down, and I was alone. With my thoughts. I’d shake and cry so hard, that I finally came to a crossroads. That I needed to take care of myself.

    Quitting my job has allowed me the time to heal my heart, spend time with loved ones, have fun and organically play on my new creative path. Working “on my own” has been rewarding and overwhelming. I’ll share more in my next post.

    04. Rediscovery– Allowing myself to do things I love. That make me happy. Things that I used to enjoy with Tim. Going to new restaurants. Dancing. Going to live music. Traveling. Laughing so hard it hurts. Shopping. Cooking. Helping others. Stepping away from the computer.

    Here’s a look at some of my favorite memories of this year. These photos give me so much hope that 2013 will be even more fulfilling, fun, creative and filled with love. I will never stop missing Tim, but I believe he’s proud of what I’ve accomplished this year.

     

    So, I do have some exciting things planned for 2013. And I will share more with you.

    I also want to thank all of you for following and reading this blog. This has been therapy for me. This is my creative outlet. To share what’s on my mind. What inspires and empowers me. And what gives me hope and delight, as I recreate my life without Tim. My hope is that you will discover that you are worth it. That no matter what your circumstance is, that life really is worth living. That you are awesome. And beautiful. And have great shoes, too! (hah!)

    So I thank you so much for visiting my lil quirky blog. You rock my world.

  • PRAYERS FOR SANDY HOOK

    A tragic December day. This blogger wrote a beautiful post about today’s horrible shooting in Sandy Hook that I wanted to share.

    Sometimes it’s a tragedy like this one, that makes us all step back and realize that we need to slow down, spend more time with loved ones, communicate better with others, notice your neighbors, share your things, eat dinner as a family, turn off cell phones, ignore email and Facebook, sit quietly and pray.

    From someone who lost their soul mate too young and what I thought was going to be my future, drastically changed. So, we can’t take each other or our own life for granted. That in this tragedy there is still good in the world. We just need to be that change.

    Many prayers and blessings. xoxo

  • 5 CONSCIOUS CHRISTMAS GIFTS

    This is the time of year when we show the people we love what they truly mean to us.

    Last year’s Christmas was my first without Tim. And I was pretty numb to all the festivities. I had a blast with my family, but I was just ready for Christmas to be over, so that my heartache for Tim wouldn’t be pierced.

    But this year, I’m excited for Christmas and have fully realized the bigger meaning for this time of year, the love I have for my family and friends and that its more important than any object, gift or money. This time is so crazy and busy, we all need to slow down and spend quality time with others.

    Soooo, here’s 5 interesting gifts that are fun, meaningful, conscious and definitely creative:

    1. Foxgram Instagram Photos & Magnets  Here’s a great way to print and share your favorite Instagram memories. Foxgram is a San Diego company and I got my pics in about 2 days. I’m going to create a heart-shaped collage wall with all these photos.

     

     

    2. 31 Bits Jewelry & Bags   I went to the Identity entrepreneur conference in October, and Jessie Simonson, the Director of Sales for 31 Bits gave a heartfelt speech. Beautiful products and mission. They are constantly changing up their designs, so keep them in mind for birthdays, mother’s day, etc.

     

     

    3. Sevenly shirts  Sevenly is a cause and charity shirt company. Every 7 days they create a handcrafted (not computer generated) shirt design for a charity and $7 goes to that charity. You get a one-of-a-kind shirt, and the charity receives much-needed funds AND exposure.

    This company was created by an über talented, heart-centered entrepreneur, Dale Partridge. He’s also the founder of the Identity conference. Follow his twitter account for amazing quotes and daily deep thoughts.

    4. Help Ink printed items  I stumbled on this website somehow. Talented artists that create artwork for posters, mounted prints, notebooks, and stationery. Then, you can choose a cause and Help Ink will make a donation. I’m going to scoop up this Jessica Hische one for myself.

    5. Holiday Cookies  Okay, this gift idea requires baking and cooking. For those that don’t like to do those things, whelp, this one isn’t for you. But check out this site for humorous and tasty recipes. I want to EAT all of these cookies. Anyone want to come over to my place and bake some?!

    How Sweet It is or Two Peas & Their Pod Cookbooks

     

    Merry Christmas and many blessings! xoxo 

  • ALICIA KEYS’ GIRL ON FIRE

    Have you heard the new Alicia Keys song, Girl on Fire (featuring Nicki Minaj)? I love it!! I crank up the sound and rock out. So powerful and deep. Good workout song. Good cruising on the freeway song. The lyrics spoke to me.

    You can check out an exclusive first listen to her whole new album, Girl on Fire, here before it hits stores tomorrow, November 27th. It’s a nice collection of edgy, sassy, and beautiful songs.

    Happy Monday! xoxo

    Photo by  Declan McCullagh, find it here.

     

  • THANKFUL EVEN IN LOSS

    This will be my second Thanksgiving without Tim.

    And I’m so thankful even in my loss. I feel so lucky, to have shared my life with such a funny, zestful and honest man. His spirit still thrives within me. I catch myself smiling at something he might say now, instead of crying. And I’m so blessed and honored for the time we did have together. He was truly a gift to my life.

    I’m also thankful for God. He’s given me peace and love during this confusing, lonely, and emotional year and a half. Because of God, I’m more calm and confident in what the future will bring. That he’s got my back. That every day is a gift from him. That I can’t change this loss, but I can look at what’s good in my life today and the good memories from my past.

    I thank him especially too for creating the oceans, trees, waterfalls, animals, mountains, my favorite turkish latté and butterscotch pudding from my fave local restaurants (hah!) and all the amazing people in my life.

    I’m so excited for the opportunities to come, the good times to be had and my next soul mate that will come into my life. That I need to be patient with this journey, too.

    And I’m so thankful for my friends and family. You have brought joy, energy, genuine advice, and good memories. It’s no mistake that the friends that have come into my life this past year were for a reason.

    And I’m also thankful for my dog Oliver. His wiggly butt and hopping around always cracks me up. His energy is contagious!

    My suggestion for those of you going through a loss or tough time, is to calm your heart– to pray,  meditate, journal or rest. Don’t over think what you can’t control or change. To remember the precious memories, how you can learn from them, grow from them, and that they’ll always be treasured in your heart. To share this day with good people, eat well, and a good ‘ol dance party always helps too!

    And for those that need some music to put them in a good mood, this song is perfect!

    Lots of love, hugs and blessings to you during this Thanksgiving holiday. 

    Wonderful artwork by Gina & Matt Triplett. They are one of my favorite illustrators, their work is organic and textural. Enjoy.