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SECOND ANNIVERSARY IN HEAVEN

tim-anniversary

I just got back from a 4-day Sedona retreat. It was a spiritually deep and fun adventure in some of Sedona’s most sacred and visually stunning locations and trails that most don’t know about. I met 13 other like-minded genuine souls of various ages that have become new life-long friends.

One of the most important parts of the trip, was that I was also able to scatter Tim’s ashes in sacred Apache Native American land. I knew that this was a significant part for me to let go and allow us to move forward in our lives. That we both need to serve, but in different dimensions. I have felt his love, protection and strength with me these past few years, but it’s now up to me to open my heart fully to allow for new love. I’m ready and I look forward to meeting someone amazing. Being Tim’s wife was truly an honor and my time with him was the best of my life. Though, I know God has plans that are unseen to me now.

What was crazy as right after I scattered his ashes, the moon peeked up, and then I saw a rainbow flash in the dark night sky. Not joking!! Carissa, our retreat spirit guide, told me that Tim would show me a rainbow during this trip. And I can’t tell you how explosive it was to see a rainbow in the dark moon-lit sky. Just shows you how powerful an angel Tim is, and I know God is helping work this magic too.

It was such an honor to be given permission to scatter on this land that used to be a vast ocean with whales, dolphins and other abundant marine life. It was a whole-heartedly healing process. I do feel that this trip has given more wisdom and strength.

I know that time will be needed to process the trip and integrate that “stillness” of Sedona into the daily grind of life. I’m glad to be back and to honor Tim at home today. I’ll share more of my Sedona trip photos later.

With today being Tim’s second anniversary in heaven, I wanted to share some handwritten notes I found that you would enjoy. Some of his notes are great nuggets of wisdom. Let’s celebrate a warrior and unstoppable soul who is having such a blast up in heaven. He is in all of our hearts forever. All my love to you shugar. And I’ll end with a word we used during the trip to continue during our hikes… ONWARD.

 

tim-note-01

tim-note-02

This note was written during Tim’s first trip to meet my family in New Jersey in 2003. He proposed in January 2005, and then we married in October 2006. We were together 8 years and married for 4.5 years.

 

 

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OCEAN TRIBUTE FOR TIM

The past few weeks were overwhelming preparing and planning for Tim’s 1-year anniversary of his passing. How does one honor someone so great?

On May 28th, the actual anniversary of Tim’s arrival to heaven and Memorial Day (ironically), I planned a boat charter out to Tim’s favorite surfing spot to scatter some of his ashes. Close family and friends took a boat from Dana Point down to Trestles in San Clemente. This was his second home. He grew up in Orange County, but this is where you’d find him, this was his sanctuary and his playground.

When Tim was in his tweens, his parents would drop him and his friends off at the beach in the morning, and they’d surf all day, and then hitchhike a ride back home or his parents would return. Such a simpler, safer time. And Tim progressed with his surf and competed. Trestles and this area isn’t for beginners.

It was such a surreal moment to be on the boat, knowing the reason for this cruise. It was an out-of-body feeling. I was present, but I was also jelly. My heart was broken. And this loss is still unexplainable.

But it was such an honor and comfort to put some of him in this special place.

After we did this special ceremony, the boat slowly turned around and proceeded back to Dana Point. And within five minutes, about a dozen dolphins surrounded the boat, swimming and jumping around. There was baby dolphins and clusters of them. All excited and happy.

Tim told me that whenever I saw a dolphin (in whatever form), that it was him thinking of me.

Anyways, the captain of the boat told us that this was very rare. And we all knew Tim and God were high-fiving and thanking us for such a beautiful celebration. As sad as that day and ceremony was, seeing all the dolphins lifted my and all of our spirits and made us all laugh and squeal with delight.

Witnessing this magical moment was amazing for all of us. That even in heaven, Tim is so magical. He always has a way of making us smile and us loving him more.

It was definitely an acknowledgement that Tim was watching this celebration, and didn’t want us to be sad all night. That he wants us to know he’s full of love up above. And always in our hearts.

So I leave you with some of our magic from Tim, some photos of the day and of the dolphins. All photos except the second one below are by my friend Eric. Thank you Eric for capturing this magic!

Boat charter from Dana Point
Boat charter

Celebration at seaCelebration at SeaDolphins in seaDolphins in sea

 

 

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CELEBRATING YOUR AWESOMENESS

Well, today you are 42. I heard that even though you aren’t physically here, that you still age in heaven.

Soooo… Happy Birthday, my big shugar!

I don’t understand why I can’t give you a big, tight birthday hug and smoocherz. Or why we can’t go to our favorite sake/japanese restaurant tonight to celebrate. Or why this year’s birthday song to you isn’t as uplifting to hear. But I will celebrate. Because I still love you. Because I want to celebrate and honor you, especially because you aren’t here.

You were the most awesome son, brother, friend, surfer, chef, neighbor and soul mate one could find.

One month after we met, it was your birthday. And of course you put together a big birthday bash, but unlike anyone I know, you did it with an extra dose of sweetness. You had your buddy’s band play, Buckfast Superbee, and then had a DJ, to get everyone dancing. But the thing you did that showed this day wasn’t about you, was you made everyone bring at least 2 cans of food to donate to the local food bank. And the person who brought the most won a prize! I think it was a wine basket. I’ve never known anyone to do that. You had such a big heart!

Its still a shock that you aren’t here, but life isn’t forever. We all gotta take each day as a gift, no matter the circumstance. Luckily our love is forever, and your delightful spirit and love keeps me going.

I’ve been a jumble of emotions, trying to figure out how to celebrate this day without you here. So I will light a candle, but I’m not going to sing.

And our lovely gals, Fall and Hayley have remembered too, and we’re going to celebrate at your favorite restaurant. Yuka’sexcited and got our reservation set. Table for 3 for TIMMMMAYY!

And all of us (near and far) will celebrate you on this special day! We will try our best to make it awesome and relish in your witty, sweet, and genuine spirit.

Whole lotta love sending up your way! All my love and miss you, shug, xoxoxo Michelle

 

And now a montage… of some of my favorite photos.

 



Fun, photobooth shots from Kristi’s 30th birthday. I think these will help boost the mood.

Classic shot. With Tim sporting his favorite band’s shirt.

From his surf trip with Mike, Steve, Tim V. & David.

Costa Rica trip with Finch.


The amazing trek and camping trip to Hamma Hamma in Olympic National Park with Bray & Lisa. One of my favorite memories!


From our trip to Glacier National Park.

He was quite the fisherman, which he gets from his Dad. And I actually caught this one. Yep, I did.


Best friends forever, yep. yep. Tim was so proud and stoked for Mike on this day! Autobiography on artist Wolfgang Bloch, written by Mike and designed by David Carson. This was the opening reception for Wolfgang Bloch’s gallery showing. And at the end of the night, Mike, David & Wolfgang were all signing autographs together. Sweetness, brah. Get the book here.

The gang’s all here. Best friends and the best parents.

Beautiful sunset on Maui’s Haleakala volcano, on our honeymoon.

 

Thanks everyone for all your love and reading.

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MARCH MADNESS

So a funny thing happened yesterday morning.

I woke up late (around 10:30am) after being up most of the night from Oliver being amped up from the strong winds and rain, banging the trees and front screen door against the house.

As I was getting my shower started, noticed that my glass shower door was off track, and it wasn’t sliding properly. It was actually this way for a few days, and for some reason, thought I could manage fixing this.

Soooo, I’m holding the glass door at its side, almost get it on track, and then the door exploded on me. It was raining glass!!! I was paralyzed holding the shower handle in my right hand. I looked down and realized I had jumped backwards.

HOLY CRAP! What just happened here?

I was shaking like 10 times what Oliver was the night before with the wind gusts.

I was so amazed at what I had accomplished, or, didn’t accomplish with my handiness. And trying to figure out what to do first, (shower/ run Oliver/ eat breakfast/ cleanup this crazy mess!) before Tim’s folks were coming in few hours.

I kinda stood in awe for a bit at how much glass was now on my bathroom floor, inside the shower, and who knows where else.

So, I was worried I might be wearing glass, so a shower seemed to be priority. But before that, I realized my hands had tiny nicks and a bigger nick that was bleeding pretty good. So I cleaned that up, and put a few band-aids on my right hand, took a shower in the other bathroom and got ready. Then took Oliver for a quick run and scarfed down a Starbuck’s (yucky) veggie sandwich and then chugged down a coffee.

I was still pretty shaky (and no, it wasn’t the coffee) from this shower door. By the time I got the shopvac setup, Tim’s folks arrived. I was so blessed they were there to help me! I didn’t want them to clean up the mess, just wanted to show them the crazy mess that happened. Felt so compelled to show and share the madness. They were so awesome and they did so much with all the cleanup, just so thankful and blessed for their help. I felt so bad, that this was part of our visit.

Anyways, here’s the photos from my weekend “excitement.”

The bath towel is on the floor, since the handle is on the right.

Mmm… crunchy.

We filled about 4-6 of these hospital buckets.

No real injuries, just scared the living daylights outta me, that’s all.

 

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HAPPY FRIDAY

outside lands festival

Happy Friday ya’ll! I’m looking forward to a packed and good weekend. Got a bit of freelance to juggle in there, but hoping to maximize the downtime.

I’ve still got other photos and memories I want to share with you, but its Friday, and thought this shot cracks me up.

This was taken up at San Francisco’s Outside Lands Festival back in 2008. It was such a blast. The highlight was seeing Radiohead, Manu Chao, The Black Keys, Beck, and Cold War Kids.

This was an early birthday present gift from Tim that year. He’s not one to go to concerts that are this big or crowded, but he was up for it. I’m glad we went, it was such a fun trip.

And speaking of cold. It was the middle of August, but freezing in San Francisco. This shot was taken in the afternoon, and I’m wearing a beanie, scarf and fleece jacket. I also had gloves that I wore once the sun went down.

In some ways the cooler weather was nice, and the crowds were nice too. I mean, I don’t know how people can do it, going to Coachella or Burning Man. So much heat, people get cranky.

This trip also allowed us to visit  Tim’s good friend Toby and his wife Sonja, and their adorable kiddos.

Anyways, have a fabulous and fulfilling weekend!

 

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