Tag Archives | healing

MUSIC FOR JANUARY

As we start the new year, I wanted to create a mix to get us all on a good roll. It’s flirty and fun. Something for your run  (those darn resolutions of getting back in shape!), going on a road trip, or something for your next dinner get-together with friends.

New Beginnings (click to listen)

01.  Noche Nada (A Lot From Me) – Givers

02. Black Is the Night – DJ Royale featuring Katherin DeBoer

03. Mother Protect (Goldroom Remix) – Niki & The Dove

04. Sprawl II (Soulwax Remix) – Arcade Fire

05. Say Yes (feat. A.S.M.) – Wax Tailor

06. Beautiful People (Felix Cartal Club Remix) – Chris Brown

07. Can’t Stop Now – Major Lazer featuring Jovi Rockwell & Mr Vegas

08. Locked out of Heaven – Bruno Mars

09. Girl On Fire – Inferno Version – Alicia Keys featuring Nicki Minaj

10. Arsenal  ‘Melvin’ (Compuphonic remix) – Mixmag

*photo by Joie Lala

Comments { 407 }

2012 YEAR IN REVIEW

Julie Goldstein

This has been a big and profound year for me. The thick, intense “widow fog” has dissolved.

This year was about becoming more present and moving forward without Tim. You can’t avoid grief. You have to go through it.

It was full of emotional happy highs and lonely, deep lows. But I realized that I wasn’t completely “on my own.”  That my faith in God is true, and he’s been here with me this whole time. It was also a year filled with healing and transformation.

 

Here are 4 words that sum up my year:

01. Connection – Forming friendships with several strong, spiritual, and confident women that really helped me grow “on my own” and believe in myself. Fall, Hayley, Dana, Jill and Sorrel. You ladies have been my rock. I love you so much and I can’t tell you how much your soul sisterhood has meant to me.

02. Faith – I been more vocal about my beliefs. I’ve been wary of sharing my faith, but I’ve realized that I shouldn’t be fearful to share what it means to me, and the reason why I’m optimistic and curious for what the future holds. I believe in love and God gave me that love. He took my soul mate from my arms. But I don’t blame God. All I can do is have faith that there was a reason he needed Tim up in heaven. And that God is counting on me to recognize his purpose for my life. That I need to take responsibility for living and not dwelling on the sadness. The medium session I had in April was profound – getting messages from both Tim and God gave me clarity on my new journey. I highly recommend seeing a medium to help connect with your loved one.

03. Slowing down – Grief is very fatiguing. And I think in today’s world, we try to accomplish so many things with high expectations and its usually unfair and unrealistic. First of all, it doesn’t seem like there’s ever the time to grieve. We live in a non-stop, hurry-up, get-it done now, add it to my hotlist, firedrill-kind-of-world that expects microwave results. And how does one fit grief and healing into overloaded schedules? You can’t.

I didn’t realize how intense grief can be until the evenings and weekends, when things slowed down, and I was alone. With my thoughts. I’d shake and cry so hard, that I finally came to a crossroads. That I needed to take care of myself.

Quitting my job has allowed me the time to heal my heart, spend time with loved ones, have fun and organically play on my new creative path. Working “on my own” has been rewarding and overwhelming. I’ll share more in my next post.

04. Rediscovery– Allowing myself to do things I love. That make me happy. Things that I used to enjoy with Tim. Going to new restaurants. Dancing. Going to live music. Traveling. Laughing so hard it hurts. Shopping. Cooking. Helping others. Stepping away from the computer.

Here’s a look at some of my favorite memories of this year. These photos give me so much hope that 2013 will be even more fulfilling, fun, creative and filled with love. I will never stop missing Tim, but I believe he’s proud of what I’ve accomplished this year.

 

So, I do have some exciting things planned for 2013. And I will share more with you.

I also want to thank all of you for following and reading this blog. This has been therapy for me. This is my creative outlet. To share what’s on my mind. What inspires and empowers me. And what gives me hope and delight, as I recreate my life without Tim. My hope is that you will discover that you are worth it. That no matter what your circumstance is, that life really is worth living. That you are awesome. And beautiful. And have great shoes, too! (hah!)

So I thank you so much for visiting my lil quirky blog. You rock my world.

Comments { 5,629 }

LOST AND FOUND

 

This past year, I’ve been really lost. I told you in an earlier post, that going thru this new journey feels like I’ve had a concussion.

I was happily married, part of this awesome team. And without Tim, I’ve felt lost. Thinking about the future was daunting and sad. I was indecisive for sure. I felt like I was healing, listening to my heart, but also kept analyzing so many things. Is it okay to want to find another soul mate? Will I be truly happy with my life again? What do I want to do with my life? Though I never blamed God for putting me in this situation. And I felt so blessed for my life, was so happy and fulfilled for everything I have and those that are in my life. But I needed to dig deeper and  discover myself, and how to understand this journey better.

Now before I get into that… I have to give you insight on myself and my roller coaster of emotions.

Up until now has been especially emotional and fragile for me, knowing that this time last year, was mind-blowing, devastating and hard to describe unless you were there.

It was around May 20, 2011, that we were all naive to the time ticking, intensity of Tim’s cancer.

You see, for those that didn’t know Tim, up until the last day, he had a big agenda for tomorrow. And although doctors, nurses, hospice, and all of us were acknowledging the frugality of time, Tim was still joking, laughing and hopeful.

Hopeful for camping in our travel trailer with me. Going on a motorcycle ride with his brother Steve. Renewing our wedding vows in October. Going fishing and hunting with Bray, Lisa and the kids in November.

We all thought that Tim was “superman”, that the cancer was somehow going to go away magically. Well, we had hope that something miraculous and positive would happen. It was on the 20th that we realized that the cancer had spread to most of his body, especially in his legs and groin, which were causing his legs and feet to balloon. The game plan had abruptly changed from aggressive treatment and a cluster of machines hooked up to Tim, to slowly watching his spark fade. That nothing could stop the cancer. That his 41 years of life seemed to flash in front of our eyes in those few days. And on May 28th, God decided to recruit Tim upstairs, understanding how unfair and sad this would be for all of us, but that Tim’s suffering was over.

Sooo… knowing that this heavy experience and emotions was fresh again, I knew it was time to seek experts to help me through my grief and blockages.

Here’s the two (2) things that have given me a whole lotta clarity, confidence, and optimism about myself and my future.

(and I recommend either or both to anyone going through a loss, feeling stuck/confused about life/career/love, or want to invigorate the fire in your soul).

1) I’ve been seeing a therapist.
I was so lucky to find a therapist who practices by integrating psychology, creativity and spirituality. After all, creativity and spirituality are huge in my life. My first appointment, and each one thus far following, I’ve left with a huge sense of relief and weight off my chest. Her approach is similar to a cocoon turning to a butterfly, and I’ve felt that transformation.

2) I went to a Reiki healer/Medium.
I’ve been a huge fan (stalker) of the show on TLC called, Long Island Medium. It’s a reality show that follows Theresa Caputo, a real Medium and her family. She’s blunt, funny and turn skeptics into believers. If you haven’t watched it, watch episodes here. You will laugh, cry and be amazed. She’s so talented and reveals so many specific details that are crazy spot-on. She’ll walk into a coffee shop or nail salon, and spirits will come to her, and people are truly blown away.

Watching her show has given me clarity and understanding about “spirits.”

Then a few months ago, my new widow friend Dana, told me her friend went to a group medium reading and they revealed some major stuff about her husband to her friend. I was impressed.

So, I emailed that Medium and her first availability, was on April 28th, which was the 11-th month anniversary of Tim’s death!  So, I booked it, and I was a nervous wreck driving to the appointment. (I emailed Theresa too, but she’s got a 3-year waiting list)

Here’s some of the things that I realized from my medium session.

1. Understanding my worth. That no matter with this loss or any other loss I have in the future, I will never abandon or lose myself. That I need to value myself more, be confident in who I am. That with or without Tim, I’m still me, and to continue to honor and discover this new me without Tim. I need to be brave, vulnerable, free.

2. Heaven is a real and active place. Tim was able to describe some of what he’s doing up there. I assumed it was calm and peaceful. And it is, but that he has opportunities for learning, productivity, and helping others in his same situation he was in. (of course Tim can’t sit still, he was so non-stop here, why did I assume he was eating bonbons and surfing all day? Hah)

3. Connection with Tim. I wasn’t able to see or feel Tim, but the Medium described Tim accurately and it was like he was in the room, her reactions were real. His humor, charisma and creativity was definitely on stage. I was able to ask Tim questions and I received feedback, calmness and hope.

4. The universe really controls it all. This session didn’t foretell my future, and I didn’t want that. It gave me insight about myself and how to take ownership of my life, while realizing that I can’t control everything, that the choices I make will set the stage, allow for opportunities to come through.

5. My faith is real. What I believe, that Jesus is truth for me, and he was present during my session. And he acknowledged that he’s been supporting me this past year. And that he’ll take good care of Tim.

6. I need to move forward. That Tim and I are on different levels now, I can’t lean on him anymore, and to create this new future for myself and not what I think Tim would want me to do. Allow my heart to have room for a new soul mate. Make choices to progress my career, creativity, follow my joy.

After this session I was in a blur, shaking, and felt this deep sadness, like the day after Tim had passed. But the days since then, I’ve also felt this surge of newfound hope. That although I’ve been hopeful and optimistic about this new journey, that I have some “tools” and guidance from my spirits and I need to take ownership for my life again. I can’t tell you how amazing this feels.

I still feel a deep sadness and shock on the reality that he’s still not here, but at the same time. I need to “finish” my goals here on Earth, before my time is up. That my story is starting to begin. That I have “found” clarity and hope to forge ahead, and I’m really excited about living again. That like Tim, up in heaven, I’ve got some work to do.

And  I’m also looking forward to that day when it’s time for me to arrive in heaven. Where Tim promised he’d be all fancy and handsome, like on our wedding day, waiting for me, and with a bouquet of flowers.

 

Comments { 198 }

DOUBLE THE LOVE DRIVE FOR GSP’s

So, I meant to post about this sooner, but today is the last day to donate to one of my (and Tim’s) favorite causes- the California German Shorthair Pointer Rescue.

You see, the GSP Rescue was a big deal to Tim. He volunteered there—helping with all sorts of needs, like building a fence for Jan, cleaning up the lawn, mowing, and endless chores that needed to be done. Tim had a huge heart, and a soft spot for those pointers. And the people at the rescue are amazing. Jan has been running this rescue from her own residence, and giving dogs that would have been killed a second chance. In addition, to rescuing the dogs, the provide medical care, rehabilitation, and foster care. And Jan’s main volunteer, Greg has the biggest heart! His photo skills have also helped.

Anyhoo… today’s the last day to donate to their Double the Love Drive. Any amount will be doubled by an anonymous donor. So your $25 now becomes their $50 benefit. This money will go towards rescuing the dogs, all the big medical fees, surgery procedures, dog food, and misc things.

Here’s some photos with our sugar, Oliver, our GSP we rescued from this center. And take a few minutes to donate to Oliver’s peeps!


photo by Greg Williams. Love this action shot of Oliver. You didn’t know that Oliver is part kangaroo.


Photo by Greg Williams. My favorite sugars. 


Photo by Greg Williams. Tim and another volunteer building a fence on the property. Sweet safari hat, Tim.


From Surf Dog, 2007.

These above shots are from my iPhone, so sorry about the bad quality. But had to share my sugar taking good care of me. Before Tim passed he wasn’t allowed on the couch. So, yes, I’ve spoiled my pup a bit more.

 

Comments { 43 }