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A DAY TO REMEMBER


anniversary-2014

 

It has been more than a year since my last post. My gosh, time has flown!

Today, October 15th, marks a special day in my soul. It’s the day Tim and I got married. And today would have been 8 years we would have been married.

Whew. It’s been quite the journey without Tim here, but he’s in my heart and surrounding me now and then in angel form.

Today, I celebrate our amazing love. Yes, we had hard challenges. Yes, we didn’t always agree. And yes things weren’t always perfect. But it was an awesome true soulmate love. And it was imperfectly perfect. To have our lives be separated through his death, was mind-blowing and body-breaking. But my soul always felt love. My body was weak and my heart was heavy, like an anvil, resting in my core. My mind scattered, and in a fog, numb and dull, as I was living and breathing but not feeling alive. But I allowed myself to rise from the ashes. To see the beauty from where I’ve been and where I’m at.

So, today I honor and celebrate Tim. A man that showed me what a man should be to a woman. A man that cherished and adored me. A man that was honest and confident, not afraid to show his weakness and vulnerability, but able to be strong and bold, that he was able to communicate what was on his mind and heart with realness. A man that was curious and playful. His humor and wit, especially through his cancer pain, revealed his strength and smarts, and his love to make others smile and laugh. And dang, man who was just so darn handsome!

And today I also honor the unconditional and relentless force of love and grace that has guided, carried me and revealed calmness and truth throughout this darkness and mystery. I celebrate and honor God.

I believe I had to master (er, am still mastering, hee-hee!) this lesson of letting go.

You see, that’s the divine plan for all of us, I believe. The art of trusting and surrendering, while remaining relentlessly hopeful and kind throughout our day and each challenge. You see, all of us will die. All of us will have challenges, pain, obstacles, unworthiness, fear of getting hurt or getting heartbroken again, fear of not being good or doing enough. But that’s where WE play God. Instead of allowing us to let go of what our minds tell should be and do, and just reflect and let God be part of your life. He’s already by your side, waiting for you to receive his love. That’s the 2 powerful lessons I’ve learned.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

2 POWERFUL LESSONS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT LOVE:
Two things that withhold us from receiving God’s love is: 

1) Unworthiness
(not feeling good, not doing enough, that we aren’t enough, letting our insecurities be truth, or that we aren’t pure or good enough to deserve God’s love, that we’ve done too many bad things).

2) Fear
(Fear of not finding love again, fear of losing something, fear of not being perfect).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

And guess what. These two things are human judgements that powerfully block God from fully pouring and healing into us. It’s because WE are blocking him.

And for me, I had to lose the person that I loved the most, with my entire being, to let go of Tim, to reveal God in a powerful way. That’s the blessing in this. That’s the divine plan, to be in soul partnership with others, that our souls put us here for each other, but to hold tight to truth and the higher eternal God. That we are loved no matter what. Whether we have done relentless horrible things. There is someone who loves us through it. We just have to be able to receive that love and open our mind, to free the judgement, and open our hearts to embrace powerful shifts and opportunities that we can’t imagine or dream.

I’m thankful for this day. This anniversary. This deep soul love with Tim that endures time. This divine presence of God that pours a waterfall of grace, love and wisdom into my being. And for all the awesome, silly, challenging and unforgettable adventures to come. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebrah!

Thank you for reading!

I invite you to share your thoughts. Or to share your love story or powerful lessons you’ve gained from letting go below in the comments or email me at info@onmyownblog.com.

Blessings + Big Hugs + Highfives,
Michelle

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HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND

onmyown-bepatientHappy Labor Weekend peeps!

I’m sorry it’s been 2 full months or so since I’ve posted. I’ve focused on building my business and working on some killer clients and haven’t had time to blog. Feeling exhausted, beat down, overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated and realizing that I need to incorporate more balance. More time to honor and cherish myself. So this holiday weekend is perfect timing!

And today I’m feeling a huge wave of love and gratitude. Maybe because my birthday is on Sunday and there’s this celebratory vibe in the air.

Anyhoots, here’s a lil bit of love I’ve created above for you. When life gets hectic and uncontrollably overwhelming, remind yourself of this message above.

Sounds simple and too basic??

When you trust and have faith in something beyond yourself, you know that before good change can happen, things are usually CRAY CRAY. Be receptive during this CRAY CRAY. You probably don’t realize that life is handing you this mess so that you can see the way THROUGH it. To power through the struggle because there are wonderful lessons within it.

Yep. I know it takes time.

And its not easy.

But you are so loved through all of it.

Unconditionally. 24/7. 365 days a year.

You are awesome.

So… with that, have an awesome weekend and relax!

I’ve got friends coming into town and we are celebrating my 36 years in this world tomorrow night. I’m totally blessed and grateful for such beautiful and amazingly great friends and my family and friends that won’t be able to join in, but be there with me fully in spirit. And my soul sisters are my family, they really push and guide me to be what I sometimes can’t see in myself.

Hugs + High-fives, Michelle

 

 

 

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SHARE + INSPIRE + EMPOWER

isaiah-photo02

 

Love this photo juxtaposition of the pretty lady silhouette with nature image. To all my bold, beautiful lovelies out there. You are not alone. Lots of love and strength to carry you. Trust in what’s unseen. Stay positive. You are worth it.

Image from here.

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IT’S DANCE OFF TIME

Happy Friday Peeps! I was cracking up at these first two videos and had to share, if you haven’t already seen these. These show how a little shake of the hips can brighten any circumstance or mood. Sooo… git up on your feet and show me whatcha got!


The guys from Soul Train are too legit too quit. The outfits, the moves, I’m so impressed! Why doesn’t every BBQ or party include a dance line, or maybe I need to invite myself to those parties.

 


Thank you AJ, for this gem. My dog Ollie has got some skills to learn!

 


It’s interesting how this video montages intense war footage with various dancing. Makes you realize how dancing can transform and bring joy, can really change your mood and perspective on life.

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8 WAYS TO THRIVE FROM LOSS, PAIN, HEARTBREAK.

invest-in-self

 

A good friend of mine emailed me months ago about her divorce and all the challenges she’d be going through and raising her young toddler on her own. It hurts me to hear good people going through messes. But it can be blessings. That we need to see the unseen in our paths, to see how strong we are. How possible the impossible is. To believe in you.

Anyhoots, I wanted to share what I sent to her. That to rise from pain, struggle, grief, or boredom you must invest in yourself.

Here’s 8 fab and easy ways to invest in you:

 

01.  Take good care of yourself — honor and cherish you. 

I felt so ugly, unloved, clueless, overwhelmed to who I was, what I was supposed to be doing after Tim died. And I’m sure you might feel that way too. But one thing a wise person told me, is no matter who you’ve lost in your life, you’ll never LOSE YOU. That you need to realize all the things you can and will accomplish. Do not victimize yourself. Take a deep breath, and say “I CAN do this”, and not “why me.” Because why, why, why, becomes whining.

Your work, your kids, your finances, cooking, errands, etc it’s all overwhelming and everything is screaming for your attention. Your partner (or the lack of any partner at all) isn’t there cherishing you, cheerleading you on, making you feel special, to get you through those stressful moments. But you have YOU. And as ladies (and men too), we try to do everything to everyone, but its like that analogy of the airplane oxygen masks — you need to put your mask on FIRST before you put your child’s on. That as you take care and honor yourself, you will have more energy, love, and focus on other things and for others.

That to nurture your interior and your exterior. Focus on ways to get your body moving and active. Eating well. To look good. And feel good. And when you radiate awesomeness, awesomeness comes right back at you. You are a mirror to others. Mmm-hmm.

 

02.  Map out and visualize what you want.

Happiness, peace, joy, love, etc is part of your birthright. You are absolutely deserving of everything you want and everything that you haven’t given yourself enough credit for. You need to manifest, to visualize, and map out what  you want. IF you have faith. That’s the kicker. You have to believe that it will get better. Mm-hmmm… I have just felt this love and clarity recently because of truly feeling that things will get better. I created a vision board the beginning of this year  (see this fancy vision board I created and how easy it is to make here).

I have my vision board on my dresser, and I see it everyday. It’s a reminder of my goals and dreams. I still want to be a mom, have an awesome husband, be successful, but taking small steps to achieve our big dreams and goals makes it more attainable.

 

03.  Join a babysitting co-op or find a great reasonably, priced sitter.

I’m not sure if this is big in your area, but I’ve heard friends of mine do this (or at least take turns with each other’s kids). It’s a setup, where once a week or once a month, you take care of your kids and their friends for a few hours/ for an afternoon/ evening, etc., and vice versa. Or maybe a good neighbor, friend, etc would be willing to help out. This little allows dedicated time to focus on YOU. Whether it’s a few hours or half a day, so can check emails, run errands, or just do something fulfilling and fun for yourself— maybe a mani/pedi, calling a friend, going to the movie alone, etc. Once you realize that you deserve that time, your kiddos will understand that mommy needs to pamper herself so she can be a happier, more energetic mommy.

 

04.  Fuse happy time into your day.

This can be yoga, enjoying your coffee, stepping outside for a quick walk, reading magazines, etc. This is small bits or an hour in your day where you can recharge, put yourself first, your sanctuary moment, create balance to your day. Sometimes for me, when things are super crazy, it’s just sitting with my coffee and turning off my phone and enjoying 10 minutes of sanity. For me, I’ve especially noticed when I step away from technology (my computer, my cell phone, etc.) that my mind is calmer and I’m less anxious. Though sometimes my happy time is watching a hilarious YouTube video for 5 minutes, but without interrupting it with checking email or whatever. You’ll notice as you prioritize these moments into your day or week, you’ll get better at it and realize that you can balance the crazy of your day with sprinkles of some smiling. Because the thing is, there is ALWAYS going to be distractions (kids, emails, work, etc) and its all about getting through those stressful moments so that we aren’t always a tight, aggro-stressball, which is so attractive, huh?

 

05.  Don’t compare yourself to others. 

I’ll admit this one was hard for me, especially after Tim’s passing. I felt like I was on island with my loss— that everyone was happy, in love and perfect—which was just my distorted view. But I’ve finally come to terms with who I am, what makes me unique, and to relish in my circumstance and situations that make me who I am. That every one has a different life situation, even though you see someone who has a life that you envy, that you become more depressed of your own life/ your situation because of comparing your situation to what every one’s situation is, that you feed that energy to your circumstance owning you vs. you owning your circumstance.

And sometimes we must go thru highs and lows, because of deeper life lessons that is part of our school of life.

 

06.  Be patient.

Good things take time. I went to a blog conference last year and the CEO of Pinterest, Ben Silberman spoke about his career hurdles. He quit his job just before the dot com crash and had a job in an industry that was lucrative, anyways after 4 years, he finally got Pinterest launched. Now I realize he had an idea and hired talented folks to execute and make it happen, but it took time and he was half fearful and half joyful about his idea and if it was going to work. But now its something everyone is using and loving. That he had to patient and trust in what he believed.

 

07.  Delegate and/or find experts that can help you if you can’t do something yourself.

We all need to give up the idea that we have to do everything ourselves. Many people want to help you out, but they don’t know how to ask you on what you really need help with. THIS really annoyed me while Tim was sick. I was so overwhelmed with taking care of him, researching his disease and treatment plans, working, taking care of my dog, that I didn’t always know the answer to when they’d say “let me know if I can help”. I knew I needed help, and half the time I knew what I needed help but the other part was that things were so intense and stressful, that the only thing I could focus on was that second or hour, not that evening or tomorrow or next week.

So, just remember to ask for help and when you don’t know how to figure something out, to ask people what you need, if they can figure it out for you. And realize the above things, that things take time, be patient with yourself and others, and things will happen.

 

08.  Let go of your ego. Find your deeper connection.

We can all be control freaks. Seriously, right!!? But you know what, you gotta get out-of-the-way of yourself. And if you keep idolizing things that don’t serve you, what good is that. Some may call it collective unconscious. Some call it the universe. And some call it God. Whatever your word of choice and beliefs, you gain a sense of peace and clarity that you aren’t all alone in this big world full of drama and adversities. That things happen for a reason. To show you signs, symbols, introduce you to people, situations, experiences to help you grow, discover and have fun.

I’m not going to force what my faith is, what I believe, onto you. NOT AT ALL. But what I can share with you, is that going through my circumstance and believing in God—he  has given me strength and confidence. That good things are still to come, that he’s got my back that he’s always been there for me, even when I didn’t believe. And still very much with me. I don’t have a religion. I have a relationship, and he’s providing some amazing miracles and filling my heart with joy. It sustains me, my family and my close friends.

My church has been my life therapy. The messages from my pastor have been like little nuggets of insight that helped me discover what I needed to do to be my best self, to take ownership of my life and situation, and to be thankful for what I had, that there’s always someone in a far worse situation. Here’s one of my favorite quotes from my pastor, Miles McPherson:

“We are all on a journey. And unless we die. You still have more life to live. Make it count.”

Anyhoots. That’s all I got for now. If there’s anything you can share that’s helped you, I’d love to hear from you. We are all getting through something and we need to lean on each other. To share. Inspire. Empower.

Love & hugs!

Above photo from my trip to Paris in 2012, near the Eiffel Tower. 

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